Girls notice guys NOT chatting them up, and they think it’s lame

This post goes out to all my male readers. It has to do with meeting girls and the mind-frame you should have when out and about and eligible.

I was shooting the shit with a girl I’ve been seeing recently and she disclosed a few fascinating truths about how cute girls think. What she said rang true with bits and pieces I’ve heard from other girls when having similarly themed chats. It also made intuitive sense to me.

First of all, she is a sexy girl, a girl that many guys would like to chat to. This is important because if she was below average in the looks department this might suggest different reasons for her observations.

Anyway, from among her insights I took a few important realities that should be realized by all men.

Firstly, she said that guys are really not very forward the vast majority of the time. I approached her directly on the street during the day. She thought this was cool, ballsy and exciting. She said this sort of direct, honest, cheeky approach almost never happens. She lamented that guys are not nearly as forward as they used to be when she was at school. She complained that men have lost their edge and become sissy, betas. (This was not news to me but still interesting to hear it form the horse’s mouth.)

Secondly, she said that a girl can see when a guy thinks she’s cute but doesn’t have the balls to approach her. This lack of balls makes a man much less attractive. So what this means is that when you and a girl share a little moment of eye contact and a smile on the street or in a coffee shop and you still don’t introduce yourself then she just thinks you are a wimp. You must go up and say “hi” to stay attractive, otherwise you are just a reasonably handsome sissy. And a reasonably handsome sissy does not wet a pussy make.

Finally, she confirmed what I already knew, namely that if she finds a guy very attractive she still won’t go up and talk to him or do anything much at all for that matter. It is up to him to make a move. Whenever I read guys writing on game blogs about ‘proximity’ and ‘IOIs’ etc. I think “you pussy, don’t wait around for a girl to invite you over, just be a man, be honest and go after what you want”. Babes are thinking THE SAME THING. Girls will not instigate things, that’s a man’s job.

Risk rejection, give yourself the possibility of success, live your life, laugh, love and go for what you want.

To recap:

Girls want cool guys to chat them up in a normal and honest way outside of the nightclubs, sober.

Girls notice when a guy is checking them out but doesn’t have enough balls to talk to them. This lack of balls is a turn-off.

Most girls won’t do much to let a guy know she thinks he’s cute so a guy must go after what he wants regardless. A man must make his own luck.

So what all of this says to me is that our social conditioning has fucked us up (again). Both sexes are losing out the way things currently stand. While many people think it is weird to chat up a girl sober, during the day, I believe that it is weird NOT to chat up a girl you wanna meet wherever you may encounter her.

PS. I just showed my mother the draft of this article and she said “absolutely son, of course girls like being approached – sure isn’t it all a bit of fun. What have you got to loose!”

Ladies enjoy being approached, the whole thing shouldn’t be treated too seriously. Life is fun. Chance your arm, add some fun to her day.

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JUDGE NOT(!), lest you miss out on countless opportunities for fun and great experiences

(WARNING!! Rant alert!)

You miss out MASSIVELY and REGULARLY if you judge people you have never met.

Nobody is ever as they seem – you can NEVER judge a book by it’s cover.

I’ve been proven wrong countless times. Any judgement is completely in my head. It is a reflection on me and not the person being judged.

Judging without meeting HUGELY limits your potential enjoyment of life. Judging others is one of the mindsets that will limit your life-experience the most. It’s why I often have trouble approaching certain types of girls. It’s why there are many amazingly interesting and inspirational people that I come into contact with but fail to connect with on a (presumably) daily basis.

I assume to know (often unconsciously) what guys and girls I see are like. I judge them on their clothes, body-language, demeanor etc., – but this already superficial and shallow evidence is rendered even more flimsy by the fact that it is taken in through my skewed and colored lens, and processed by my biased and oft impetuous ego. It’s commonly a negative assumption that I make about people for some reason. This is highly detrimental to my state of mind.

EVERYBODY’S lens is skewed and biased and inaccurate, that’s why our judgments are so often wrong. We must be aware of this and be forever vigilant and self-aware. We must wage war on our propensity to jump to judgments. WE REALLY DON’T KNOW AS MUCH AS WE THINK WE DO.

I’M NEARLY ALWAYS PROVED WRONG when I eventually meet people that I formed a judgment on prior to our interacting. (“Hot, sassy, sexy women” I assume to be super-confident BUT turn out to be shy and vulnerable kittens, “huge, tough, tattooed gym guys” who look like they’re in gangs BUT turn out to be soft, kindly, humble and even timid gentlemen, “doddering, senile, ignorant and out of touch old people” who I am soooo much more advanced than BUT turn out to have life-experience, smarts and insight that I can’t even begin to imagine: I meet these prototypes ALL THE TIME.)

I gotta stop judging. I must totally condition myself to stop this super-harmful behavior. It’s all in my head – the bad vibes are coming from ME.

I choose what I think. I gotta have a totally open, positive mind; always thinking the best of people, until hard evidence proves otherwise.

Never write somebody off before you meet them.

Nobody is “as they look” – whatever the fuck that means.

I am literally always wrong about people – I just can’t tell accurately.

For example, last night at the gym I was feeling negative and mildly depressed (hung-over, ate some shitty food, masturbated before I left the house). I thought that everyone in the gym looked mean and that they would all be mean if I spoke to them. Fast forward to today; more gym. I feel good. I slept well last night, ate well this morning and my testosterone levels have recovered. I am certain there are no semen stains on my pants – life is good. Many of the same peeps are at the gym and this time I chat to them. Whaddya-know?! THEY’RE ALL NICE! Friendly, shy and eager to chat. Yesterday I thought they were all vain, too-cool-for-school and intimidating. Dead wrong I was.

You judge because you are afraid. It is a defense mechanism.

But it’s doing you so much harm.

How many times are you gonna let that cute stranger pass without saying “hi” because she looks aloof, or distant, or cold, or whatever?

The answer is almost always that they are a bit shy because they are unconsciously forming their own judgments.

BREAK THE CIRCLE. Never judge, but instead ENGAGE at every opportunity. Be totally involved in the human race. Be open and kind with your brothers and sisters and way more often than not they will be open and kind with you.

You make the first move. Judge not.

Give yourself the time it takes – it’s, like, totally worth it!

New and beneficial disciplines – in health, fitness, thinking, career, sexlife, diet or whatever – take time to bed in and become a part of you. When you decide on an improvement you want to make in your life; such as giving up weed, always focusing on the positive, not judging other people, giving up refined sugar or carbs, taking up weightlifting, or stopping incessantly masturbating to hardcore porn, you must give yourself the time it takes for this new and positive habit to bed-in. You need to become it. Your beautiful new discipline must become a part of you, like a new limb. You need to make the transition from being someone who tries hard everyday to not eat Cocopops, to being someone who does not eat Cocopops. It’s not even on your radar to eat Cocopops, so it requires zero effort. You leave the old you behind and evolve into a new, slightly better, you. It’s called growth. We must all be growing all the time, because if you are not growing you are shrinking, stagnating, dying.

Knowing the right thing to do is crucial. It is a huge step, but it is only the first step. Consistent right-action and discipline, work and dedication will make this thought a reality – some of the time – then you’ll fall off the horse and feel like shit. That shitty feeling is very helpful tho. It becomes the putty in the wall you are building. It strengthens the overall structure. Every failure brings you closer to your destination. Every failure makes you more acquainted with yourself. You know yourself more and more intimately – you can console and cajole and discipline and encourage and congratulate and LOVE yourself more. This is growth. Know thyself.

I tried to give up cigarettes many times over the past few years. I failed every time. I knew it was a disaster for my health but I couldn’t kick the habit entirely. I rationalized. “I’ll do x, y or z now, that’ll benefit me. Can’t do too much at once. I need smoking now. I’ll give them up later.” What rubbish! Tricking myself. Weaker than weak. Two months ago tho, without any more conscious effort than before, I simply woke up one morning and knew that this time I had quit for good. I was not a smoker anymore. I haven’t had one since, have zero desire for one and can’t possibly image ever smoking again. I think it just took a lot of thinking, guilt, knowing I was doing a bad thing and ‘failed’ efforts to reach a point were my mind actually altered and I grew that ‘new limb’. I am not a smoker.

Once the process has started there is no turning back. There are only two possible outcomes. Either you win the fight, better yourself and reap the glorious rewards, or you lose the fight, give up and live with the anxiety and regret. You can’t forget, you can rationalize, but you can’t forget. You know what you want to do, you know how you want to live, you know the person you want to be. You can pretend to everyone else, but you can’t pretend to yourself.

Stick to the plan. Never give up. You will succeed with intelligent, dogged effort and consistency. Everything worth doing, whether it’s building a better physique, giving up cigarettes, getting over social anxiety or learning to climb trees, takes time. Taking the right journeys and sticking with them makes you a better person.

Give yourself time, don’t be lazy, start NOW, but give it time.

Playing it safe is FUCKING TERRIFYING

If you are awake and ambitious, then living a ‘safe’ life in which you always take the easy path and don’t lean into your fears or grow or evolve or strive to reach your potential will actually fill you with a constant sense of apprehension. A mild undercurrent of dread will be your unwelcome life companion.

This sense of apprehension is much more difficult to live with that the short, sharp blasts of fear followed by divine releases and serenity that come with living a life in which you are brave and live at your edge.

There is no sweeter sensation than the satisfied calm that you feel after you’ve stepped out of your comfort zone and did something new and scary, or didn’t do something harmful and counterproductive that in the past you would have done. You can rest easy, safe in the knowledge that you are moving in the right direction. Ahhhh, bliss. C’est delicieux!

You are proving to yourself that you can handle life.

Going up to that attractive person may be scary, it may be easier to just get high and eat ice-cream again, “oh what the hell, I’ll just masturbate to hardcore porn again”, “I better check my facebook, it’s been 10 mins since I was last on, maybe people will miss me etc etc. It’s always easy to do the wrong thing; you avoid the short, sharp blast of discomfort that comes with stepping into your fears. But not doing the right thing by living at your edge, being disciplined and strong will lead to much more stress and anxiety in the long term.

Do you want to feel apprehensive and anxious forever??!! The only way to feel good is to take action. Short, sharp shock followed by contented calm now, or long drawn-out undercurrent of unceasing dread and anxiety for a lifetime? You decide.

I wanna feel content on my deathbed.

I vote live at your edge, have a sense of humor, test yourself – grow and feel great.

How to get good with girls

I got very excitedly into game just over a year ago with the stated aim of being able to go up to any girl I find attractive and just “be normal and cool, unstifled, shoot-the-shit, be my best self and see how it goes”.

Obviously I have internalized many outer game concepts over the last year of immersing myself in game theory and practicing in field. I use this smattering of outer game mainly subconsciously (as, of course do ‘anti-game’ guys like Aaron Sleazy and Assanova), but in the main I try to keep things as natural and unplanned as possible. This fits with how I want to live. I want to be free and giving and loving and open.

So if you are like me then what you really want is to be able to take right action and freely go after what you desire in a calm, cool and un-needy way, your way.

Having good info based on other peoples’ experiences is helpful but you need to be in-field forming your own, patented style of game. You are an individual. It is only through practice that you happen upon and develop the natural, idiosyncratic elements of your own personality that make girls go weak at the knees foryou.

As the mighty Roosh once said “If you see a girl you are attracted to and your legs don’t begin to walk towards her then something needs fixing” (it was something along those lines anyway.) I guess this is a bit extreme but I like, and agree with, the sentiment.

Absolute social freedom and the ability to do anything you pleased out in the wild would feel great. I am getting closer to it, I am more chilled, unstifled and happy than ever before, but I have a very long way to go. Maybe I’ll never completely get there. I would imagine there are very few sane people in the world that have literally zero qualms about approaching anybody, anywhere, anytime, but it’s a nice aim to have. Ultimately the journey is the most important part, the destination doesn’t even exist yet. LOVE the process of bettering yourself. LOVE leaning into your fears. LOVE surfing the scary waves. LOVE INTERACTING WITH BEAUTIFUL, CRAZY GIRLS. LOVE practicing your game.

If you are working towards being unstifled and confident and unafraid etc etc but you are not exactly where you want to be yet; then the only way to get there is through practice. Not reading another book, or watching another Tyler vid. You gotta talk to girls.

I find that if I am out officially ‘practicing’ my daygame, maybe with an approach quota, then I am a lot more likely to approach that hottie when I see her. My head is in approach mode. But often when I am not thinking about approaching and I see a hottie I freeze and do nothing.

My aim is to get to a point where I am unconsciously competent, but I’m clearly not there yet (I will get there though, it’ll take me a lot more time and hard work but that’s cool). Being unconsciously competent would mean approaching any girl I want without having to PUSH myself to do it. It would just ‘happen’ naturally, like drinking a glass of water when I’m thirsty.

The only way to get to unconscious competence is to put in many hours of practice, have tones of real life interactions, form new beliefs and make fundamental changes to your thought processes. This could only take time. But it’ll be a fun ride.

So that’s how you get good with girls; practice, being brave regularly, learning to LOVE interacting with cute girls, risking rejection everyday, enjoying rejection, growing into a better man over time, growing a pair…

Failure is great!

It’s not how you deal with your ‘successes’, it’s how you deal with your ‘failures’ that determines how you get on in life.

Success is easy. It’s enjoyable, but you don’t learn much or grow much from it.

Failure, on the other hand, is a real test. You can either pass the test, and grow and evolve and become stronger, or you can fail the test and wither and die.

So what are you gonna do; stock up on weed, Pringles and ice-cream and roam around pornhub ’til the wee hours with your dick in your hand and a tear in your eye, or are you gonna have a look at what went wrong, regroup and get back on the horse?

The choice, as will always be the case, is yours.

12 commandments of inner game

1. The only “success” is making the approach, it’s the only thing you have complete control over.

2. Every girl, no matter how hot, has to be fucked by some dude. Why not you?

3. You have ZERO say about the outcome of any single approach so you must have zero outcome dependance.

4. The choice is only ever approach or never, ever get the chance again. You won’t see her another time.

5. You literally NEVER regret approaching, every approach makes you stronger.

6. My mind tends to tell me that girls are unavailable (she’s waiting for a boyfriend etc.), it misreads the signs and has been totally wrong countless times.

7. A girl is attracted to a man with BALLS.

8. The ONLY WAY to alleviate approach anxiety is to approach.

9. You can never be happy as long as you care what other people think of you.

10. You ALWAYS feel elated when you do what you set out to do, you always feel shit when you chicken out.

11. Remember how lucky you are to even be aware that you can meet and chat with girls anywhere, anytime. Most people walk around in their own private, lonely bubble of anxiety and judgement; not even aware of the possibilities all around them. Be thankful you are healthy, alive and outside in this amazing city with your eyes open, living your life.

12. It’s only about you. You are doing battle with your other, lazy, rationalizing self. That self is your enemy. He is relentless. He will prevent you from reaching your goals if you let him win.