Stop hurrying

I have a chronic need to get to my destination YESTERDAY. This is bad. It is counterproductive. It leads to abandoned projects; projects that could have went somewhere great given patience and time. It also leads to stress and anxiety which leads to suboptimal performance and suboptimal quality of life.

Everything I’ve done well, every project I’ve taken on that has really gone somewhere and produced positive, concrete results, has been a project I have done with consistency and without rush or unrealistic deadlines. Learning to sing my own music, building up my physique, my drumming, ‘3 chats’; all were long-haul, a little bit every day, low pressure but highly consistent activities. I worked on these activities with considerable effort but I worked calm and with no rush. These projects all bore fantastic, positive and concrete results. I grew irreversibly from these projects, I morphed into something new, I internalised a new skill.

I have given up and sacrificed things in my life that could have brought my success because I was in too much of a hurry to get it done YESTERDAY. For instance, if I had consistently plugged away at my own music project over the last ten years instead of chopping and changing endlessly, if I had decided on a smart and brave process to get my music out there and stuck to it for the long-haul, through thick and thin, then I believe I would probably be successful by now. But I didn’t. I changed and chopped and started and stopped a million times. I got involved in doomed projects because I never had the confidence to just commit to by far the best music I’ve ever played; my own.

But this is not meant to be a sad or depressing piece of writing about what could have been. I am young and I have my whole life ahead of me. I have learned a valuable lesson from all this. I must learn to control my compulsive desire for things to happen quick and be happy and content sitting in ‘the process’ for as long as it takes. I must be happy with slow, steady, unremarkable but, crucially, consistent progress. Slow and steady truly does win the race.

This is hugely relevant to my game development. I am very hard on myself. I analyse my progress and overthink things. I am in too much of a rush. I expect to be able to approach any girl I want to now!? I only did my first proper, semidirect day approach less than 4 months ago. How could I possibly expect to be at ease with it yet. Krauser didn’t get laid at all for his entire first year of game practice. I’m already well ahead of him. It is entirely understandable and to be expected that I often don’t approach when I see a cute girl. I’m not a machine. I’m learning a new skill, a skill that for the first 28 years of my life was totally foreign and terrifying to me.

This is a skill that by all accounts takes years to get the hang of. I’m doing really well. The best way for me to reach my goals is to go easy on myself. Accept that I will ‘fail’ over and over and that the journey will take a long time; years.

Baby steps, consistent and relentless baby steps. Every chat, every approach, every interaction, every journal entry, every book, every workout, every bit of honest work, every T.M. session is doing me good and slowly building me towards my goals. Have patience. Do not be tempted to chop and change. Do not give up. It doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to be, relentlessly, over years.




Honesty above all else

I am totally honest at every turn. I say what I want to say. If I can calmly communicate my honest thoughts then I am living by my highest values.

I believe this is the biggest breakthrough in thinking I’ve made in quite a while. Being completely honest ticks all my boxes. It is inkeeping with the fact that approaching is the only success, it is outcome independant, it is showing up as a man and it is what I wanted to be able to do all the way back in the beginning of my personal growth/game adventure.

The game techniques and methods never sat right with me. I do not want, or believe it is optimal, to mold my behaviours and communications into unnatural forms that are not me. It makes people stiff, wooden and usually weird when they are trying to be something they are not. I do not want to communicate with others with ulterior motives in my head.

It is most important to be congruent. Congruence is charisma. I crave to be honest in my life. I adore honesty, I value it above all else.

Being totally honest is obviously the highest integrity way you can communicate with others. Say what is on your mind and get it out into the world. It is up to the recipient of your honesty to deal with it as they choose. You have done your bit, you can hold your head high. If people don’t value the truth and appreciate straightforwardness then that is their issue. I live by my standards. And in my worldview the gold standard is honesty.

Telling a girl what you are really thinking; that she is beautiful, you wanted to meet her, or whatever happens to be the truth of what is on your mind at the time, is the ideal, and it has been what I wanted to be able to do for as long as I can remember. It is kind, beautiful, clear, human communication between you and a girl you want to find out more about. Put your cards on the table. It doesn’t matter what happens after that. Being honest is all you can do, it’s all that is within your power. It’s the only way to begin, it’s all you have control over. After that the interaction takes on a life of it’s own which you can never predict. It’s exciting, it’s beautiful, it’s me doing my job and showing up as a man.

I look around me and I see the overwhelming majority of men peeking out from the corner of their eyes at cute girls, pretending not to have noticed them, trying to be macho and aloof, chained up tightly in their own insecurities and fears. It’s sad. It’s been me for the majority of my life. I don’t want to be in that group anymore. I want to be strong and brave and free and honest. Freedom is happiness.

The feeling of release you get when you approach a girl and are honest about your thoughts is ecstasy, every time.