Stop hurrying

I have a chronic need to get to my destination YESTERDAY. This is bad. It is counterproductive. It leads to abandoned projects; projects that could have went somewhere great given patience and time. It also leads to stress and anxiety which leads to suboptimal performance and suboptimal quality of life.

Everything I’ve done well, every project I’ve taken on that has really gone somewhere and produced positive, concrete results, has been a project I have done with consistency and without rush or unrealistic deadlines. Learning to sing my own music, building up my physique, my drumming, ‘3 chats’; all were long-haul, a little bit every day, low pressure but highly consistent activities. I worked on these activities with considerable effort but I worked calm and with no rush. These projects all bore fantastic, positive and concrete results. I grew irreversibly from these projects, I morphed into something new, I internalised a new skill.

I have given up and sacrificed things in my life that could have brought my success because I was in too much of a hurry to get it done YESTERDAY. For instance, if I had consistently plugged away at my own music project over the last ten years instead of chopping and changing endlessly, if I had decided on a smart and brave process to get my music out there and stuck to it for the long-haul, through thick and thin, then I believe I would probably be successful by now. But I didn’t. I changed and chopped and started and stopped a million times. I got involved in doomed projects because I never had the confidence to just commit to by far the best music I’ve ever played; my own.

But this is not meant to be a sad or depressing piece of writing about what could have been. I am young and I have my whole life ahead of me. I have learned a valuable lesson from all this. I must learn to control my compulsive desire for things to happen quick and be happy and content sitting in ‘the process’ for as long as it takes. I must be happy with slow, steady, unremarkable but, crucially, consistent progress. Slow and steady truly does win the race.

This is hugely relevant to my game development. I am very hard on myself. I analyse my progress and overthink things. I am in too much of a rush. I expect to be able to approach any girl I want to now!? I only did my first proper, semidirect day approach less than 4 months ago. How could I possibly expect to be at ease with it yet. Krauser didn’t get laid at all for his entire first year of game practice. I’m already well ahead of him. It is entirely understandable and to be expected that I often don’t approach when I see a cute girl. I’m not a machine. I’m learning a new skill, a skill that for the first 28 years of my life was totally foreign and terrifying to me.

This is a skill that by all accounts takes years to get the hang of. I’m doing really well. The best way for me to reach my goals is to go easy on myself. Accept that I will ‘fail’ over and over and that the journey will take a long time; years.

Baby steps, consistent and relentless baby steps. Every chat, every approach, every interaction, every journal entry, every book, every workout, every bit of honest work, every T.M. session is doing me good and slowly building me towards my goals. Have patience. Do not be tempted to chop and change. Do not give up. It doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to be, relentlessly, over years.

 

 

Honesty above all else

I am totally honest at every turn. I say what I want to say. If I can calmly communicate my honest thoughts then I am living by my highest values.

I believe this is the biggest breakthrough in thinking I’ve made in quite a while. Being completely honest ticks all my boxes. It is inkeeping with the fact that approaching is the only success, it is outcome independant, it is showing up as a man and it is what I wanted to be able to do all the way back in the beginning of my personal growth/game adventure.

The game techniques and methods never sat right with me. I do not want, or believe it is optimal, to mold my behaviours and communications into unnatural forms that are not me. It makes people stiff, wooden and usually weird when they are trying to be something they are not. I do not want to communicate with others with ulterior motives in my head.

It is most important to be congruent. Congruence is charisma. I crave to be honest in my life. I adore honesty, I value it above all else.

Being totally honest is obviously the highest integrity way you can communicate with others. Say what is on your mind and get it out into the world. It is up to the recipient of your honesty to deal with it as they choose. You have done your bit, you can hold your head high. If people don’t value the truth and appreciate straightforwardness then that is their issue. I live by my standards. And in my worldview the gold standard is honesty.

Telling a girl what you are really thinking; that she is beautiful, you wanted to meet her, or whatever happens to be the truth of what is on your mind at the time, is the ideal, and it has been what I wanted to be able to do for as long as I can remember. It is kind, beautiful, clear, human communication between you and a girl you want to find out more about. Put your cards on the table. It doesn’t matter what happens after that. Being honest is all you can do, it’s all that is within your power. It’s the only way to begin, it’s all you have control over. After that the interaction takes on a life of it’s own which you can never predict. It’s exciting, it’s beautiful, it’s me doing my job and showing up as a man.

I look around me and I see the overwhelming majority of men peeking out from the corner of their eyes at cute girls, pretending not to have noticed them, trying to be macho and aloof, chained up tightly in their own insecurities and fears. It’s sad. It’s been me for the majority of my life. I don’t want to be in that group anymore. I want to be strong and brave and free and honest. Freedom is happiness.

The feeling of release you get when you approach a girl and are honest about your thoughts is ecstasy, every time.

Approaching will only get easier

Approaching will only get easier.

I’m still in the early stages of sober, honest gaming. I’m new to it and I don’t have much experience. The weather is brutal and freezing and dark. It’s the beginning of a long harsh winter.

But as I continue to consistently and relentlessly have three honest and congruent chats with eligible girls every single day, week in week out, over the coming year it will become more and more second nature. It will become totally natural and easy to strike up chats with girls.

I will always be honest, whether that’s some comment about the environment or whether it’s a totally upfront and direct approach.

I will chat to girls in every conceivable environment; the street, the gym, the sauna, the bar, the club, the cafe, the bookstore, the train, the tube, the bus, the plane etc etc. I will get totally used to honestly and lovingly striking up conversations with girls.

The weather will slowly improve along with my ability to approach and I will be in a much better place with my game by the time the first warm days, bare legs and boobs begin to appear in May.

And a great summer will be on the cards.

 

A long and self-indulgent article about where I’m at after 3/4 of 2012 has passed. Enjoy!

So far this year I have changed unrecognisably. Many, many positive things have occurred and I have improved in numerous ways.
I have learned a massive amount about myself, human beings, the world and life.
It’s sometimes hard to remember how different I was in many ways only less than one year ago. I was fundamentally a good person and all the ingredients to be successful and happy were there, inside me, but I was lost, depressed and clueless about many important topics and about myself in general.

I have read lots of great books in the past 9 months since I bought my kindle. Up until the beginning of 2012 I had read extremely few books. I was addicted to news and current affairs and in the dark about how rewarding, life changing and crucial reading good books is.

I have begun to keep a journal. This has been a wonderful addition to my life and I am extremely happy that I have discovered it’s massive importance to my development and happiness. Daily writing in my journal is the single best way to sort out my thoughts, decipher what my real desires and opinions and feelings are, and to learn from the experiences I have every day. It is invaluable.

I have made huge progress in my fitness and health and bodybuilding. I have cleaned up my diet, learned lots about nutrition, given up cigarettes, weed, drugs and hugely cut down or alcohol. I have been working hard in the gym and my body has never looked better. People regularly comment on how good shape I’m in. I enjoy the recognition, compliments are nice (even if it is a form of giving a shit what people think). I have learned that there are no right answers, just degrees of right and what works for me. Work hard, eat well and experiment. Gauge your own progress and don’t get stale. I have never felt physically better and I can’t remember the last time I was sick.

I have discovered the importance of sexual energy. Testosterone is such a clarifying and driving force, I can’t believe I spent so much of my time draining it away for the first 28 years of my life. If you manage your sexual energy it can be harnessed and used to make you fucking invincible. Masturbating to porn is highly addictive and very harmful when done to excess. I certainly did it to excess until I learned the error of my ways. It is bad for the brain and the emotions and it robs your body of its vitality and potential. It is a modern disease that I believe will cause a lot of people harm in the coming years. I have learned that, at this point in my life, the best way for me to be sure I don’t relapse is to make sure that I don’t have the opportunity to do so. That means no laptop in London. This seems harsh but you must ‘know thyself’. I am not in denial. I am addicted to porn. I am much more successful and happy without it, so I must do whatever it takes to not have it in my life. The rewards are massive. Even if I am still addicted, the knowledge of how to stop myself for indulging, and the ability to go through with implementing that knowledge, is great progress.

I have done many direct approaches to girls I find gorgeous. This is amazing progress. This is something I couldn’t even imagine myself doing a few months ago. I believe it is the best, most honest and most fun way to meet girls. I have learned loads from doing it, about myself and about girls.

I have had some great sex and learned a lot about myself sexually. I am currently having the best sex of my life. A switch went off in my head. I am fucking my girl with wild abandon now, in a way I never have before, and she loves me for it. She thinks I’m the best ever. I am enjoying myself and not overly worried about technique or getting her off. Ironically it’s much more likely to get her off. I understand masculine feminine polarity. I am hard and I am able to control when I come. I have chilled out hugely and my inhibitions, which were making my life hell, have evaporated. I am sexually healthy. I love sex and it no longer scares me.

I am much more aware of what I find sexually attractive. I am picky and aware of what turns me on in girls. I do not need to go to bed with any reasonably cute girl to prove my manliness. I go to bed with girls that I find sexually attractive – that’s all. I am not desperate. I am selective. I know what I like. Hell, at the beginning of this year I had never even admitted to anybody that I liked muscular girls and the idea of telling anyone was terrifying. Holy shit – what progress!

I feel like over the past few weeks I have plateaued in a few different ways. I feel like I have ever so slightly fun out of steam. I find books harder to concentrate on, I find doing direct approaches slightly more challenging, I had a cigarette, I haven’t been as diligent with my chatting to strangers. It’s not like I am regressing in these areas – I believe the changes I have made are permanent and I can’t imagine ever regressing to where I was a year or two ago, once you learn to tie your laces you never forget, the gate only opens one direction – but I am still at a point where I need to use energy and effort to do right in these areas and I feel like I am ever so slightly lacking that energy. I believe that this is to be expected because I have worked hard, pushed my boundaries and made big changes in many different areas. I feel like I need to get back to basics in these areas to some extent. I want to spend the last 3 months of 2012 re-reading some of the most important books I’ve already read this year as opposed to reading new books. I have taken on a huge amount of new info, now it’s time to consolidate. Chatting is much easier for me now than ever before and I am infinitely more comfortable in my own skin but I have been slipping recently and not making the concerted effort that I believe is still required of me (and everybody else for that matter) to push myself out into the world at every opportunity and engage with and give to and love other humans actively and without self-consciousness.
Sometimes I can be lazy with my thoughts. I can allow myself to judge other people that I do not know. I can allow myself not to do what I want because I am afraid of the judgements of others. I can beat myself up mentally for not doing right all the time. I can be weak willed and give in to temptations even though I know that giving in will make me unhappy in the long run and that good acts lead to good acts and that positivity and willpower snowballs. In this area I have made vast amounts of progress and I must just continue to try hard to think well and be happy. I am improving in this area all the time and I must remain vigilant and remember that the process takes time.

Girls notice guys NOT chatting them up, and they think it’s lame

This post goes out to all my male readers. It has to do with meeting girls and the mind-frame you should have when out and about and eligible.

I was shooting the shit with a girl I’ve been seeing recently and she disclosed a few fascinating truths about how cute girls think. What she said rang true with bits and pieces I’ve heard from other girls when having similarly themed chats. It also made intuitive sense to me.

First of all, she is a sexy girl, a girl that many guys would like to chat to. This is important because if she was below average in the looks department this might suggest different reasons for her observations.

Anyway, from among her insights I took a few important realities that should be realized by all men.

Firstly, she said that guys are really not very forward the vast majority of the time. I approached her directly on the street during the day. She thought this was cool, ballsy and exciting. She said this sort of direct, honest, cheeky approach almost never happens. She lamented that guys are not nearly as forward as they used to be when she was at school. She complained that men have lost their edge and become sissy, betas. (This was not news to me but still interesting to hear it form the horse’s mouth.)

Secondly, she said that a girl can see when a guy thinks she’s cute but doesn’t have the balls to approach her. This lack of balls makes a man much less attractive. So what this means is that when you and a girl share a little moment of eye contact and a smile on the street or in a coffee shop and you still don’t introduce yourself then she just thinks you are a wimp. You must go up and say “hi” to stay attractive, otherwise you are just a reasonably handsome sissy. And a reasonably handsome sissy does not wet a pussy make.

Finally, she confirmed what I already knew, namely that if she finds a guy very attractive she still won’t go up and talk to him or do anything much at all for that matter. It is up to him to make a move. Whenever I read guys writing on game blogs about ‘proximity’ and ‘IOIs’ etc. I think “you pussy, don’t wait around for a girl to invite you over, just be a man, be honest and go after what you want”. Babes are thinking THE SAME THING. Girls will not instigate things, that’s a man’s job.

Risk rejection, give yourself the possibility of success, live your life, laugh, love and go for what you want.

To recap:

Girls want cool guys to chat them up in a normal and honest way outside of the nightclubs, sober.

Girls notice when a guy is checking them out but doesn’t have enough balls to talk to them. This lack of balls is a turn-off.

Most girls won’t do much to let a guy know she thinks he’s cute so a guy must go after what he wants regardless. A man must make his own luck.

So what all of this says to me is that our social conditioning has fucked us up (again). Both sexes are losing out the way things currently stand. While many people think it is weird to chat up a girl sober, during the day, I believe that it is weird NOT to chat up a girl you wanna meet wherever you may encounter her.

PS. I just showed my mother the draft of this article and she said “absolutely son, of course girls like being approached – sure isn’t it all a bit of fun. What have you got to loose!”

Ladies enjoy being approached, the whole thing shouldn’t be treated too seriously. Life is fun. Chance your arm, add some fun to her day.

JUDGE NOT(!), lest you miss out on countless opportunities for fun and great experiences

(WARNING!! Rant alert!)

You miss out MASSIVELY and REGULARLY if you judge people you have never met.

Nobody is ever as they seem – you can NEVER judge a book by it’s cover.

I’ve been proven wrong countless times. Any judgement is completely in my head. It is a reflection on me and not the person being judged.

Judging without meeting HUGELY limits your potential enjoyment of life. Judging others is one of the mindsets that will limit your life-experience the most. It’s why I often have trouble approaching certain types of girls. It’s why there are many amazingly interesting and inspirational people that I come into contact with but fail to connect with on a (presumably) daily basis.

I assume to know (often unconsciously) what guys and girls I see are like. I judge them on their clothes, body-language, demeanor etc., – but this already superficial and shallow evidence is rendered even more flimsy by the fact that it is taken in through my skewed and colored lens, and processed by my biased and oft impetuous ego. It’s commonly a negative assumption that I make about people for some reason. This is highly detrimental to my state of mind.

EVERYBODY’S lens is skewed and biased and inaccurate, that’s why our judgments are so often wrong. We must be aware of this and be forever vigilant and self-aware. We must wage war on our propensity to jump to judgments. WE REALLY DON’T KNOW AS MUCH AS WE THINK WE DO.

I’M NEARLY ALWAYS PROVED WRONG when I eventually meet people that I formed a judgment on prior to our interacting. (“Hot, sassy, sexy women” I assume to be super-confident BUT turn out to be shy and vulnerable kittens, “huge, tough, tattooed gym guys” who look like they’re in gangs BUT turn out to be soft, kindly, humble and even timid gentlemen, “doddering, senile, ignorant and out of touch old people” who I am soooo much more advanced than BUT turn out to have life-experience, smarts and insight that I can’t even begin to imagine: I meet these prototypes ALL THE TIME.)

I gotta stop judging. I must totally condition myself to stop this super-harmful behavior. It’s all in my head – the bad vibes are coming from ME.

I choose what I think. I gotta have a totally open, positive mind; always thinking the best of people, until hard evidence proves otherwise.

Never write somebody off before you meet them.

Nobody is “as they look” – whatever the fuck that means.

I am literally always wrong about people – I just can’t tell accurately.

For example, last night at the gym I was feeling negative and mildly depressed (hung-over, ate some shitty food, masturbated before I left the house). I thought that everyone in the gym looked mean and that they would all be mean if I spoke to them. Fast forward to today; more gym. I feel good. I slept well last night, ate well this morning and my testosterone levels have recovered. I am certain there are no semen stains on my pants – life is good. Many of the same peeps are at the gym and this time I chat to them. Whaddya-know?! THEY’RE ALL NICE! Friendly, shy and eager to chat. Yesterday I thought they were all vain, too-cool-for-school and intimidating. Dead wrong I was.

You judge because you are afraid. It is a defense mechanism.

But it’s doing you so much harm.

How many times are you gonna let that cute stranger pass without saying “hi” because she looks aloof, or distant, or cold, or whatever?

The answer is almost always that they are a bit shy because they are unconsciously forming their own judgments.

BREAK THE CIRCLE. Never judge, but instead ENGAGE at every opportunity. Be totally involved in the human race. Be open and kind with your brothers and sisters and way more often than not they will be open and kind with you.

You make the first move. Judge not.

Playing it safe is FUCKING TERRIFYING

If you are awake and ambitious, then living a ‘safe’ life in which you always take the easy path and don’t lean into your fears or grow or evolve or strive to reach your potential will actually fill you with a constant sense of apprehension. A mild undercurrent of dread will be your unwelcome life companion.

This sense of apprehension is much more difficult to live with that the short, sharp blasts of fear followed by divine releases and serenity that come with living a life in which you are brave and live at your edge.

There is no sweeter sensation than the satisfied calm that you feel after you’ve stepped out of your comfort zone and did something new and scary, or didn’t do something harmful and counterproductive that in the past you would have done. You can rest easy, safe in the knowledge that you are moving in the right direction. Ahhhh, bliss. C’est delicieux!

You are proving to yourself that you can handle life.

Going up to that attractive person may be scary, it may be easier to just get high and eat ice-cream again, “oh what the hell, I’ll just masturbate to hardcore porn again”, “I better check my facebook, it’s been 10 mins since I was last on, maybe people will miss me etc etc. It’s always easy to do the wrong thing; you avoid the short, sharp blast of discomfort that comes with stepping into your fears. But not doing the right thing by living at your edge, being disciplined and strong will lead to much more stress and anxiety in the long term.

Do you want to feel apprehensive and anxious forever??!! The only way to feel good is to take action. Short, sharp shock followed by contented calm now, or long drawn-out undercurrent of unceasing dread and anxiety for a lifetime? You decide.

I wanna feel content on my deathbed.

I vote live at your edge, have a sense of humor, test yourself – grow and feel great.