A long and self-indulgent article about where I’m at after 3/4 of 2012 has passed. Enjoy!

So far this year I have changed unrecognisably. Many, many positive things have occurred and I have improved in numerous ways.
I have learned a massive amount about myself, human beings, the world and life.
It’s sometimes hard to remember how different I was in many ways only less than one year ago. I was fundamentally a good person and all the ingredients to be successful and happy were there, inside me, but I was lost, depressed and clueless about many important topics and about myself in general.

I have read lots of great books in the past 9 months since I bought my kindle. Up until the beginning of 2012 I had read extremely few books. I was addicted to news and current affairs and in the dark about how rewarding, life changing and crucial reading good books is.

I have begun to keep a journal. This has been a wonderful addition to my life and I am extremely happy that I have discovered it’s massive importance to my development and happiness. Daily writing in my journal is the single best way to sort out my thoughts, decipher what my real desires and opinions and feelings are, and to learn from the experiences I have every day. It is invaluable.

I have made huge progress in my fitness and health and bodybuilding. I have cleaned up my diet, learned lots about nutrition, given up cigarettes, weed, drugs and hugely cut down or alcohol. I have been working hard in the gym and my body has never looked better. People regularly comment on how good shape I’m in. I enjoy the recognition, compliments are nice (even if it is a form of giving a shit what people think). I have learned that there are no right answers, just degrees of right and what works for me. Work hard, eat well and experiment. Gauge your own progress and don’t get stale. I have never felt physically better and I can’t remember the last time I was sick.

I have discovered the importance of sexual energy. Testosterone is such a clarifying and driving force, I can’t believe I spent so much of my time draining it away for the first 28 years of my life. If you manage your sexual energy it can be harnessed and used to make you fucking invincible. Masturbating to porn is highly addictive and very harmful when done to excess. I certainly did it to excess until I learned the error of my ways. It is bad for the brain and the emotions and it robs your body of its vitality and potential. It is a modern disease that I believe will cause a lot of people harm in the coming years. I have learned that, at this point in my life, the best way for me to be sure I don’t relapse is to make sure that I don’t have the opportunity to do so. That means no laptop in London. This seems harsh but you must ‘know thyself’. I am not in denial. I am addicted to porn. I am much more successful and happy without it, so I must do whatever it takes to not have it in my life. The rewards are massive. Even if I am still addicted, the knowledge of how to stop myself for indulging, and the ability to go through with implementing that knowledge, is great progress.

I have done many direct approaches to girls I find gorgeous. This is amazing progress. This is something I couldn’t even imagine myself doing a few months ago. I believe it is the best, most honest and most fun way to meet girls. I have learned loads from doing it, about myself and about girls.

I have had some great sex and learned a lot about myself sexually. I am currently having the best sex of my life. A switch went off in my head. I am fucking my girl with wild abandon now, in a way I never have before, and she loves me for it. She thinks I’m the best ever. I am enjoying myself and not overly worried about technique or getting her off. Ironically it’s much more likely to get her off. I understand masculine feminine polarity. I am hard and I am able to control when I come. I have chilled out hugely and my inhibitions, which were making my life hell, have evaporated. I am sexually healthy. I love sex and it no longer scares me.

I am much more aware of what I find sexually attractive. I am picky and aware of what turns me on in girls. I do not need to go to bed with any reasonably cute girl to prove my manliness. I go to bed with girls that I find sexually attractive – that’s all. I am not desperate. I am selective. I know what I like. Hell, at the beginning of this year I had never even admitted to anybody that I liked muscular girls and the idea of telling anyone was terrifying. Holy shit – what progress!

I feel like over the past few weeks I have plateaued in a few different ways. I feel like I have ever so slightly fun out of steam. I find books harder to concentrate on, I find doing direct approaches slightly more challenging, I had a cigarette, I haven’t been as diligent with my chatting to strangers. It’s not like I am regressing in these areas – I believe the changes I have made are permanent and I can’t imagine ever regressing to where I was a year or two ago, once you learn to tie your laces you never forget, the gate only opens one direction – but I am still at a point where I need to use energy and effort to do right in these areas and I feel like I am ever so slightly lacking that energy. I believe that this is to be expected because I have worked hard, pushed my boundaries and made big changes in many different areas. I feel like I need to get back to basics in these areas to some extent. I want to spend the last 3 months of 2012 re-reading some of the most important books I’ve already read this year as opposed to reading new books. I have taken on a huge amount of new info, now it’s time to consolidate. Chatting is much easier for me now than ever before and I am infinitely more comfortable in my own skin but I have been slipping recently and not making the concerted effort that I believe is still required of me (and everybody else for that matter) to push myself out into the world at every opportunity and engage with and give to and love other humans actively and without self-consciousness.
Sometimes I can be lazy with my thoughts. I can allow myself to judge other people that I do not know. I can allow myself not to do what I want because I am afraid of the judgements of others. I can beat myself up mentally for not doing right all the time. I can be weak willed and give in to temptations even though I know that giving in will make me unhappy in the long run and that good acts lead to good acts and that positivity and willpower snowballs. In this area I have made vast amounts of progress and I must just continue to try hard to think well and be happy. I am improving in this area all the time and I must remain vigilant and remember that the process takes time.


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