Approach anxiety = a feeling of dread that grips your body and mind when the prospect of approaching a cute girl you’ve never met before comes up.
You cannot explain away approach anxiety using logic. You can read great books and write articles and diary entries until you’re blue in the face and you can understand logically how illogical approach anxiety is but that will not stop you from feeling it.
I have had some great results from chatting up girls on the street; numbers, dates and sex. I have done direct approaches in which I told a girl I thought she was hot and, while I was always scared before doing it, I always felt elated afterwards. I’ve read many fear management and self-help books. You’d think all of this would be enough to eradicate my fear of approaching, but no.
I was out today, roaming around in the sun. I chatted to a few attractive girls but I chickened out of talking to quite a few girls that I found extremely attractive. I felt paralyzed and just couldn’t make myself do it. I was firmly in my head all afternoon.
For the past few weeks I’ve been complacent with my approaching practice, I’ve been out of the country and my decent recent results have made me a little lazy. In my mind, because I had done some direct approaches and had some success, this was something I could now do- it was part of my artillery, it was plain sailing from here on in. Definitely not so. It’s actually harder now because I am stressed and I’m putting more pressure on myself cos I know I’ve done it before and I know what’s possible. I’m annoyed with myself for still having this fear.
There is literally no feeling better, no relief as intense, as when I step up and take action. I love chatting to pretty girls and I love overcoming my fears. While I know how good this feels, my approach anxiety often makes me ‘forget’ in the heat of the moment. I can’t think clearly. I am momentarily insane.
It feels like the fear is more deeply rooted and primeval than any of the logical thoughts or positive reference experiences that I’ve accumulated.
I feel like reading good self-help books and learning thinking patterns that will contribute to you feeling better definitely helps, but it is not even nearly enough to make a proper dint in the problem. The only way to get a handle on approach anxiety is to practice stepping into the abyss and approaching consistently over a long period of time. You gotta face your fears day after fucking day, and take no breaks, because it seems that staying still is actually regression.
PS having calmed down a bit I now see that enduring these little freak-outs and negative realizations about the state of things is a vital component of growth, so all good baby!