Stop hurrying

I have a chronic need to get to my destination YESTERDAY. This is bad. It is counterproductive. It leads to abandoned projects; projects that could have went somewhere great given patience and time. It also leads to stress and anxiety which leads to suboptimal performance and suboptimal quality of life.

Everything I’ve done well, every project I’ve taken on that has really gone somewhere and produced positive, concrete results, has been a project I have done with consistency and without rush or unrealistic deadlines. Learning to sing my own music, building up my physique, my drumming, ‘3 chats’; all were long-haul, a little bit every day, low pressure but highly consistent activities. I worked on these activities with considerable effort but I worked calm and with no rush. These projects all bore fantastic, positive and concrete results. I grew irreversibly from these projects, I morphed into something new, I internalised a new skill.

I have given up and sacrificed things in my life that could have brought my success because I was in too much of a hurry to get it done YESTERDAY. For instance, if I had consistently plugged away at my own music project over the last ten years instead of chopping and changing endlessly, if I had decided on a smart and brave process to get my music out there and stuck to it for the long-haul, through thick and thin, then I believe I would probably be successful by now. But I didn’t. I changed and chopped and started and stopped a million times. I got involved in doomed projects because I never had the confidence to just commit to by far the best music I’ve ever played; my own.

But this is not meant to be a sad or depressing piece of writing about what could have been. I am young and I have my whole life ahead of me. I have learned a valuable lesson from all this. I must learn to control my compulsive desire for things to happen quick and be happy and content sitting in ‘the process’ for as long as it takes. I must be happy with slow, steady, unremarkable but, crucially, consistent progress. Slow and steady truly does win the race.

This is hugely relevant to my game development. I am very hard on myself. I analyse my progress and overthink things. I am in too much of a rush. I expect to be able to approach any girl I want to now!? I only did my first proper, semidirect day approach less than 4 months ago. How could I possibly expect to be at ease with it yet. Krauser didn’t get laid at all for his entire first year of game practice. I’m already well ahead of him. It is entirely understandable and to be expected that I often don’t approach when I see a cute girl. I’m not a machine. I’m learning a new skill, a skill that for the first 28 years of my life was totally foreign and terrifying to me.

This is a skill that by all accounts takes years to get the hang of. I’m doing really well. The best way for me to reach my goals is to go easy on myself. Accept that I will ‘fail’ over and over and that the journey will take a long time; years.

Baby steps, consistent and relentless baby steps. Every chat, every approach, every interaction, every journal entry, every book, every workout, every bit of honest work, every T.M. session is doing me good and slowly building me towards my goals. Have patience. Do not be tempted to chop and change. Do not give up. It doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to be, relentlessly, over years.

 

 

Honesty above all else

I am totally honest at every turn. I say what I want to say. If I can calmly communicate my honest thoughts then I am living by my highest values.

I believe this is the biggest breakthrough in thinking I’ve made in quite a while. Being completely honest ticks all my boxes. It is inkeeping with the fact that approaching is the only success, it is outcome independant, it is showing up as a man and it is what I wanted to be able to do all the way back in the beginning of my personal growth/game adventure.

The game techniques and methods never sat right with me. I do not want, or believe it is optimal, to mold my behaviours and communications into unnatural forms that are not me. It makes people stiff, wooden and usually weird when they are trying to be something they are not. I do not want to communicate with others with ulterior motives in my head.

It is most important to be congruent. Congruence is charisma. I crave to be honest in my life. I adore honesty, I value it above all else.

Being totally honest is obviously the highest integrity way you can communicate with others. Say what is on your mind and get it out into the world. It is up to the recipient of your honesty to deal with it as they choose. You have done your bit, you can hold your head high. If people don’t value the truth and appreciate straightforwardness then that is their issue. I live by my standards. And in my worldview the gold standard is honesty.

Telling a girl what you are really thinking; that she is beautiful, you wanted to meet her, or whatever happens to be the truth of what is on your mind at the time, is the ideal, and it has been what I wanted to be able to do for as long as I can remember. It is kind, beautiful, clear, human communication between you and a girl you want to find out more about. Put your cards on the table. It doesn’t matter what happens after that. Being honest is all you can do, it’s all that is within your power. It’s the only way to begin, it’s all you have control over. After that the interaction takes on a life of it’s own which you can never predict. It’s exciting, it’s beautiful, it’s me doing my job and showing up as a man.

I look around me and I see the overwhelming majority of men peeking out from the corner of their eyes at cute girls, pretending not to have noticed them, trying to be macho and aloof, chained up tightly in their own insecurities and fears. It’s sad. It’s been me for the majority of my life. I don’t want to be in that group anymore. I want to be strong and brave and free and honest. Freedom is happiness.

The feeling of release you get when you approach a girl and are honest about your thoughts is ecstasy, every time.

Why BOTHER being anything other than completely honest?

Being anything other than completely honest with a girl you are approaching is piling way too much importance on to the interaction. And this is making her higher value than she actually is.

 

There is a literally endless amount of girls around that are physically hot enough for you to sleep with. Whether or not you sleep with any particular one of them is not at all important because for every hot girl you encounter there are another 100 around the next corner.

 

The hot girl you approach is no more important than any other Joe Soap you pass on the street. Being anything other than totally honest implies that she is so important that you need to put on a choreographed act in order to communicate with her, and that you can’t just be normal and yourself. It says that you need to make a big effort to make this thing ‘work out’, to achieve a ‘goal’.

 

The only goal is making the approach in the first place, showing up as a man, checking her out as a prospect.

 

You know zero about the girl, just accept that she could be anything at all, you have no idea what her personality will be like. You may well not really be into her vibe.

 

She could respond well to crafty gaming, she could respond well to pure honesty, she could respond well to Irish traveller drag her out by the hair style seduction. Who knows?

 

Trying to cajole and impress is too much work and effort, it’s low value to put so much effort into someone you know nothing about. Make contact, show her your vibe and let her decide. If she doesn’t bite there’ll be many, many more that do. There are so many girls that will love and get soaking wet for a strong, honest, straightforward man who can be himself.

 

You must just see her as one of the millions of good looking girls that are about and your interaction with her as merely one of the countless interactions that you have with girls all the time.

 

Frame for ‘3 little chats’

3 chats to eligible girls every single day. It’s daily exercise, stretching, staying limber, it’s cash in the bank.

Fuck self image, it’s just a process. Every chat makes me stronger. Who cares how I look to other people!?

When chatting it’s not about getting validation or good reactions from the girls. You do it for the enjoyment of taking action itself.

Enjoy just starting little chats. 99% of guys are too big pussys to even just start a chat with a girl.

Chat to girls in more and more tough situations. Chat to girls in front of other people as much as possible. Always push it.

It’s never about the girls, it’s about me.

Never take myself too seriously. Fuck around, self amuse, enjoy my own shit.

Just chat to cuties about any old shit, it isn’t supposed to go anywhere.

3 chats a day with cuties builds a rock solid foundation of social confidence that will last forever.

Fulfilling my task every day makes positivity in my life snowball. Kept up over time and it gets easier and easier and my game gets better and better.

Take pleasure in the small victories. Nice little chats, they may go somewhere, they may not.

Build up my prefrontal cortex which gives me the willpower to approach and chat more and more easily.

Action is the cure to all game and social issues, it gets you out of your head which is the key.

You are entitled to the action not the reaction.

Any action is better than no action.

Love the journey. Surrender to the journey. This is a long-haul thing. Must do shit that doesn’t produce the result I want right now. The experiences accumulate and over long periods of time (a month, 6 months, a year, 5 years) I grow. It must be consistent. A day that I go out and chat to 3 girls, all of which knock me back, is a great day!

It doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to be.

Nobody gives a fuck about you, nobody’s gonna do it for you.

 

Approaching will only get easier

Approaching will only get easier.

I’m still in the early stages of sober, honest gaming. I’m new to it and I don’t have much experience. The weather is brutal and freezing and dark. It’s the beginning of a long harsh winter.

But as I continue to consistently and relentlessly have three honest and congruent chats with eligible girls every single day, week in week out, over the coming year it will become more and more second nature. It will become totally natural and easy to strike up chats with girls.

I will always be honest, whether that’s some comment about the environment or whether it’s a totally upfront and direct approach.

I will chat to girls in every conceivable environment; the street, the gym, the sauna, the bar, the club, the cafe, the bookstore, the train, the tube, the bus, the plane etc etc. I will get totally used to honestly and lovingly striking up conversations with girls.

The weather will slowly improve along with my ability to approach and I will be in a much better place with my game by the time the first warm days, bare legs and boobs begin to appear in May.

And a great summer will be on the cards.

 

Don’t Be Creepy

Yesterday morning I was sitting at a bus stop, sipping from a rejuvenating and disposable cup of joe and feeling groovy. I was sitting right next to a rather beautiful student from the school I was on my way to give some classes at. I had never seen her before and we were not conversing at all. She was much too young and I was not even remotely tempted to mix business with pleasure.

What made the experience note-worthy however was the fact that I was in the perfect position to feel what it’s like for a girl to be ogled by passing guys.

One middle aged, scruffy, out of shape, unattractive dude in particular kept coming past and coping a big, unsubtle eyeful every time. He was trying to be subtle but failing miserably. He just couldn’t stop staring.

It was pretty gross and he came across super low value and creepy.

It showed me that overt checking out of a girl without smiling, acknowledging, saying ‘hi’, making contact etc. is just plain creepy and low value. She is human, not a piece of meat. And if you don’t know this, it suggests you have precious little experience with women.

So, you can either be creepy and lame and weak (like the vast majority of guys today) and simply upload the image to the wank-bank or you can do the honest, reasonable, un-creepy thing and make contact with the object of your desires.

If, for whatever reason, making contact is not an option (which it is often not, maybe you’re married, maybe you have a headache) do yourself and the girl a favour and keep the ogling to a minimum.

A long and self-indulgent article about where I’m at after 3/4 of 2012 has passed. Enjoy!

So far this year I have changed unrecognisably. Many, many positive things have occurred and I have improved in numerous ways.
I have learned a massive amount about myself, human beings, the world and life.
It’s sometimes hard to remember how different I was in many ways only less than one year ago. I was fundamentally a good person and all the ingredients to be successful and happy were there, inside me, but I was lost, depressed and clueless about many important topics and about myself in general.

I have read lots of great books in the past 9 months since I bought my kindle. Up until the beginning of 2012 I had read extremely few books. I was addicted to news and current affairs and in the dark about how rewarding, life changing and crucial reading good books is.

I have begun to keep a journal. This has been a wonderful addition to my life and I am extremely happy that I have discovered it’s massive importance to my development and happiness. Daily writing in my journal is the single best way to sort out my thoughts, decipher what my real desires and opinions and feelings are, and to learn from the experiences I have every day. It is invaluable.

I have made huge progress in my fitness and health and bodybuilding. I have cleaned up my diet, learned lots about nutrition, given up cigarettes, weed, drugs and hugely cut down or alcohol. I have been working hard in the gym and my body has never looked better. People regularly comment on how good shape I’m in. I enjoy the recognition, compliments are nice (even if it is a form of giving a shit what people think). I have learned that there are no right answers, just degrees of right and what works for me. Work hard, eat well and experiment. Gauge your own progress and don’t get stale. I have never felt physically better and I can’t remember the last time I was sick.

I have discovered the importance of sexual energy. Testosterone is such a clarifying and driving force, I can’t believe I spent so much of my time draining it away for the first 28 years of my life. If you manage your sexual energy it can be harnessed and used to make you fucking invincible. Masturbating to porn is highly addictive and very harmful when done to excess. I certainly did it to excess until I learned the error of my ways. It is bad for the brain and the emotions and it robs your body of its vitality and potential. It is a modern disease that I believe will cause a lot of people harm in the coming years. I have learned that, at this point in my life, the best way for me to be sure I don’t relapse is to make sure that I don’t have the opportunity to do so. That means no laptop in London. This seems harsh but you must ‘know thyself’. I am not in denial. I am addicted to porn. I am much more successful and happy without it, so I must do whatever it takes to not have it in my life. The rewards are massive. Even if I am still addicted, the knowledge of how to stop myself for indulging, and the ability to go through with implementing that knowledge, is great progress.

I have done many direct approaches to girls I find gorgeous. This is amazing progress. This is something I couldn’t even imagine myself doing a few months ago. I believe it is the best, most honest and most fun way to meet girls. I have learned loads from doing it, about myself and about girls.

I have had some great sex and learned a lot about myself sexually. I am currently having the best sex of my life. A switch went off in my head. I am fucking my girl with wild abandon now, in a way I never have before, and she loves me for it. She thinks I’m the best ever. I am enjoying myself and not overly worried about technique or getting her off. Ironically it’s much more likely to get her off. I understand masculine feminine polarity. I am hard and I am able to control when I come. I have chilled out hugely and my inhibitions, which were making my life hell, have evaporated. I am sexually healthy. I love sex and it no longer scares me.

I am much more aware of what I find sexually attractive. I am picky and aware of what turns me on in girls. I do not need to go to bed with any reasonably cute girl to prove my manliness. I go to bed with girls that I find sexually attractive – that’s all. I am not desperate. I am selective. I know what I like. Hell, at the beginning of this year I had never even admitted to anybody that I liked muscular girls and the idea of telling anyone was terrifying. Holy shit – what progress!

I feel like over the past few weeks I have plateaued in a few different ways. I feel like I have ever so slightly fun out of steam. I find books harder to concentrate on, I find doing direct approaches slightly more challenging, I had a cigarette, I haven’t been as diligent with my chatting to strangers. It’s not like I am regressing in these areas – I believe the changes I have made are permanent and I can’t imagine ever regressing to where I was a year or two ago, once you learn to tie your laces you never forget, the gate only opens one direction – but I am still at a point where I need to use energy and effort to do right in these areas and I feel like I am ever so slightly lacking that energy. I believe that this is to be expected because I have worked hard, pushed my boundaries and made big changes in many different areas. I feel like I need to get back to basics in these areas to some extent. I want to spend the last 3 months of 2012 re-reading some of the most important books I’ve already read this year as opposed to reading new books. I have taken on a huge amount of new info, now it’s time to consolidate. Chatting is much easier for me now than ever before and I am infinitely more comfortable in my own skin but I have been slipping recently and not making the concerted effort that I believe is still required of me (and everybody else for that matter) to push myself out into the world at every opportunity and engage with and give to and love other humans actively and without self-consciousness.
Sometimes I can be lazy with my thoughts. I can allow myself to judge other people that I do not know. I can allow myself not to do what I want because I am afraid of the judgements of others. I can beat myself up mentally for not doing right all the time. I can be weak willed and give in to temptations even though I know that giving in will make me unhappy in the long run and that good acts lead to good acts and that positivity and willpower snowballs. In this area I have made vast amounts of progress and I must just continue to try hard to think well and be happy. I am improving in this area all the time and I must remain vigilant and remember that the process takes time.